a heavy burden.

Today was one of those helter-skelter type days at work. The morning was spent doing anything and everything. From starting IV's to holding a screaming toddler to figuring out how to play a video game with a nine year old, the day started out anything but quiet. I like to be busy, though. The busier we are, the more I learn. The more I learn the more confident I am going to feel when I'm finally out on my own. On my own... when I'm finally at that point where I'm taking care of my own patients, hoping against hope that I have what it takes to be a good nurse. This day is coming far too fast for my taste.

Anyway, things eventually calmed down a bit after lunch, right around the time we admitted a patient that I know will forever be ingrained into my memory. A physically abused patient. This patient was not just a mere patient, this patient was a two year old girl. Helpless and defenseless in the situation she found herself in. I would not wish it on anyone to see what I saw. To see the bruised and bleeding body of a sweet little child. I won't go into detail, but in short, she had been whipped over and over again and then tossed aside, resulting in dozens of deep cuts on her back, legs, and arms as well as a nasty gash on the top of her head. I was filled with heartache and sorrow for this little girl. I almost started crying just watching her hobble around, not being able to bend over and pick up a toy that she dropped because she was in so much pain. I found myself not only hurting for this child, but I was also becoming overwhelmed with anger. What kind of person beats a child? What kind of person can live with themself after devastating a life that has been entrusted to them?

I felt numb and helpless. What could I do? Nothing, really. I sat with the little girl for an hour or so. Reading to her, watching Barney, eating ice cream, coloring, and exploring the halls. She was such a happy child. Full of laughter and fun. What on earth could she have done to warrant the wrath of her abuser? Honestly, I don't know what to make out of this afternoon. It leaves questions in my mind of why God allows some things to happen. Why He lets vulnerable children be hurt not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I don't really have answers. I know this world is full of sin and the effects of sin. I know we all deserve condemnation and it is only through the grace of God that we live as we do. And I am so thankful for that grace. Yet my heart still aches for that little girl I saw today. It even aches for the person that hurt her.

Sorry this was kind of a downer of a post. I just kind of wanted to get it off my chest. Pray for that little girl if you ever think about it. I'm sure she has a long road ahead of her. If not in the near future, undoubtedly she will have to deal with insecurities and fears all of her life. But God is good.