a heavy burden.

Today was one of those helter-skelter type days at work. The morning was spent doing anything and everything. From starting IV's to holding a screaming toddler to figuring out how to play a video game with a nine year old, the day started out anything but quiet. I like to be busy, though. The busier we are, the more I learn. The more I learn the more confident I am going to feel when I'm finally out on my own. On my own... when I'm finally at that point where I'm taking care of my own patients, hoping against hope that I have what it takes to be a good nurse. This day is coming far too fast for my taste.

Anyway, things eventually calmed down a bit after lunch, right around the time we admitted a patient that I know will forever be ingrained into my memory. A physically abused patient. This patient was not just a mere patient, this patient was a two year old girl. Helpless and defenseless in the situation she found herself in. I would not wish it on anyone to see what I saw. To see the bruised and bleeding body of a sweet little child. I won't go into detail, but in short, she had been whipped over and over again and then tossed aside, resulting in dozens of deep cuts on her back, legs, and arms as well as a nasty gash on the top of her head. I was filled with heartache and sorrow for this little girl. I almost started crying just watching her hobble around, not being able to bend over and pick up a toy that she dropped because she was in so much pain. I found myself not only hurting for this child, but I was also becoming overwhelmed with anger. What kind of person beats a child? What kind of person can live with themself after devastating a life that has been entrusted to them?

I felt numb and helpless. What could I do? Nothing, really. I sat with the little girl for an hour or so. Reading to her, watching Barney, eating ice cream, coloring, and exploring the halls. She was such a happy child. Full of laughter and fun. What on earth could she have done to warrant the wrath of her abuser? Honestly, I don't know what to make out of this afternoon. It leaves questions in my mind of why God allows some things to happen. Why He lets vulnerable children be hurt not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I don't really have answers. I know this world is full of sin and the effects of sin. I know we all deserve condemnation and it is only through the grace of God that we live as we do. And I am so thankful for that grace. Yet my heart still aches for that little girl I saw today. It even aches for the person that hurt her.

Sorry this was kind of a downer of a post. I just kind of wanted to get it off my chest. Pray for that little girl if you ever think about it. I'm sure she has a long road ahead of her. If not in the near future, undoubtedly she will have to deal with insecurities and fears all of her life. But God is good.

that which is my home.

I guess it's not surprising that a post about Panera should weasel its way into the humble beginnings of this blog. What can I say? It has been my faithful home-away-from-home and study spot since I was a mere freshman and has continued as such to the final days of my time at Auburn. Tribute must be awarded where tribute is due. In fact, I am at Panera now. Basking in the glow of the fashionable light fixture above me, groovin' to the tunes of Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers, observing a young mom and her little boy figuring out how to play Veggie Tales on their portable DVD player, and simply appreciating the prosaic, yet appealing, ambiance of the world they call Panera.

The story of Panera began in 1981 with the dream of Louis Kane to take over America one loaf of bread at a time. His dream has taken flight as the company now owns and operates over 900 Panera locations in 37 states. My life's path lead me to Panera in April of 2005 whilst on a search for a quite and tranquil atmosphere in which to study for a much dreaded Microbiology test. It was to my delight and eternal gratification that I was lead to Panera.

Why Panera you ask? Through trial and error I have discovered that there are certain attributes that must be inclusive of, but not limited to, a quality study hideout. They are as follows: 1) a cushioned seat, 2) unlimited refills, 3) a caffeine supply as needed, 4) interesting people watching opportunities for daydreaming breaks, and 5) the overall aura of the place must be pleasant. Panera meets all these criteria. In fact, it is the only place I've found in Auburn that meets all five, although there are several that meet four. This is an amazing feat.

Not only is Panera a good place to study, it also has good food to back up its reputation. Now if any boy reads this I have a bone to pick with you! PANERA FOOD IS YUMMY! It is not weird or froufrou as I have often heard those of the male gender claim. It's normal food. Soup, salad, sandwiches. I really don't understand the frequent complaints that come out of boys' mouths if Panera is suggested as a dining option. I would love to be enlightened.

If my calculations are correct, taking into account an average of two visits in a normal week and five visits in a final exam week (and this is a conservative estimate... I highly suspect it's more than this), I have resided at Panera a total of 250 separate occasions. Also, if on average I spend five hours there on each trip (another moderate average), I have spent 1250 hours which comes out to equal 52 entire days. Almost two months of my life have I lived at Panera Bread & Co. I think I should get a discount.

Thus concludes my tribute. Go to Panera. It will change your life. I recommend the cinnamon crunch bagel.

one more thing.

Disclaimer: I am, by no means, an amazing writer. Even the characteristic of "good writer" has never graced the palate of my accomplishments. However, this blog is more for me to unjumble and descramblify my thoughts at the end of the day. Well written posts by the English standard may be few and far between. That being said, enjoy the random musings and eccentric thoughts of a somewhat crazy and goofy girl. :)

gonna give this blogging thing a try.

Alright. I was thinking today about the incredible number of people that, big or small, have changed my life in some way. It amazes me how God use others to change us, teach us, and reveal to us more of who He is and the love He has for us. This being said, my life is continually blessed with incredible people and it is my hope and goal for this blog to reflect the ways in which God uses these people in my life. Every day, at the hospital or just in Auburn, my life is touched by the life of another human being. And because I am, by nature, both a forgetful person and someone who wants to remember every memory (ahem... photos... yeah), I am going to attempt to "blog" my stories. We'll see how it goes.